Researching insulin pumps is bittersweet. It’s exciting knowing that there will be more freedom for your child, yet at the same time, it’s a daunting task. Searching for the best “device” to keep your child alive, was never something I thought I would have to do.
I look at the features of these insulin pumps and am impressed with how I will be able to remotely dose Carter from another room, as opposed to having to chase him and nail him down to inject the insulin up to eight times a day. Then of course, the stories from other pump users about the tightening of numbers, better A1c numbers, etc. The pro’s seem to negate the cons.
Yet the closer I get, my nerves make me wonder if I am strong enough to go through with it all. Learning a new system, one which may take up to a month to fully understand and tweak to get Carter’s ratios right, it all seems counter-intuitive.
I am comfortable with Multi Daily Injections, but deep down I know Carter isn’t. Carter is who this is ultimately about, although I know the one larger poke every 2-3 days will take some getting used to, Carter will enjoy being more “normal” while walking through the most not normal circumstances, having to manage his Type 1 Diabetes.
Carter’s health and well-being are the most important thing to me, no matter what I have to do to accomplish that. Yet, I feel like I am yet again grieving this diagnosis, though we are almost 2-years into it. Up until now, Carter’s Type 1 Diabetes was virtually an invisible disease. One that was only noticed when I would check his blood or dose him. Now, wearing a pump, it will be an advertisement of his condition.
All this makes me realize how fragile I still am. When we started giving Carter shots, we didn’t have a choice. It was a necessity in order to keep him alive and have him survive. Now I have a choice, it’s odd making life saving choices for your preschooler; and honestly given the choice, I would choose not to have to deal with Type 1 Diabetes.
Ultimately, all I’m trying to do is raise a healthy and happy little boy who doesn’t feel held back. Right now I believe the pump will give us that. It’s hard enough having Type 1 Diabetes to manage, I’m striving to give my son just a little bit more freedom, and hopefully through this new learning curve and process it will help me feel less broken.