I’m amazed at how wishes have changed in the past 9 months. Birthday wishes were once a fun tradition where we would blow out our candles and wish for the boy we liked to notice us, or that pair of shoes you just couldn’t live without. As we age these wishes become more along the lines of more money, a better job, and then after your child is diagnosed with a life threatening disease your wishes take the most drastic change ever. You find yourself continually wishing for things you know you will never get, like everything being the way it was before the diagnosis, a mended heart, for the disease to transfer to you and off your child.
Instead of wishing for the unattainable, I decided my wishes for my son should embody realistic outcomes. I wish my son would never know the full extent of grief, that he would see the positive throughout his existence. I wish for my son to embrace acceptance and perseverance, determination and tenacity. That my son would give up on the need to chase perfection, and learn to embrace the bad days and learn from them.
I wish that his health will justify the means, and he will always put it first. That he would look at the world with tender eyes and an even more tender heart, realizing that there are many people who judge out of ignorance. My wish is that my son is able to educate while walking in love and not take the judgment to heart. To understand the complexity of his life and understand that this burden is given to those who can manage successfully and to realize diabetes doesn’t define who he is.
But my biggest wish for my son is that he remembers to live life to the fullest and never feel different or cursed or sick. That he turn this tragedy into strength and prove just how strong Type 1 Diabetics are, and that their ability to live knows no bounds. I wish that my son will always know who he is, no matter what society is saying about diabetics. Yet ultimately, my wish is that my son knows how much he is loved and how the impact of his presence in my life is worth every sacrifice, every grief-stricken moment, for without him my life would have no meaning.
However, when push comes to shove, I would trade all of these wishes in for the ultimate wish……..a cure.