Blood Sugar Rollercoaster

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The blood sugar rollercoaster that Diabetes brings can be exhausting.  Up, down, up, down, and then eventually *crash!*  I do my best to try to avoid the crash area as much as I can.  I struggle with burnout like the next care taker, and truthfully I don’t do much to make sure I have enough me time.  Me time lately, has consisted of extra sleep, when my husband comes home I go to take a nap.

With the extra night checks we have been tasked with due to the major fluctuations in Carter’s numbers, it feels like I hardly get any sleep.  But even when I take naps, it seems as though the deficit I am in is too great to try to conquer.

Type 1 Diabetes can take a turn for the worst or the best, in the blink of an eye, and trying to stay one step ahead is absolutely exhausting.  But given the alternative that not monitoring blood sugars regularly gives, death, I am extremely vigilant, even when it makes me feel like a zombie.

I worry about how the fluctuations make Carter feel, I worry I am not doing enough, but what more can I do?  I check his blood 8-10 times a day, adjust insulin where needed and still the immense fluctuations.  Type 1 Diabetes is really a jerk of a disease, so indecisive, and heaven forbid it get a little hotter or cooler, then all bets of consistency are completely off!

Being able to accept the fluctuations if half the battle, getting to the point where you don’t take the fluctuations personally, as if it were a direct reflection of your care, is the hardest part.

I have finally moved past those feelings, and realize that I could be doing everything “right,” yet the numbers will show something completely different.  Being overtly diligent with meals, and insulin to carb ratios, and activity can only get you so far when it comes to blood glucose readings.  The most freeing thing I have learned to do is forgive myself.

I forgive myself for being pissed off, I forgive myself for being frustrated, and for under dosing because of exhaustion.  The ability to properly calculate insulin based on the correction scale, in conjunction with the reading I have received at 2:00AM sometimes takes me a little while to calculate.  All the while with a complaining toddler who is getting more awake with each second.

Mothers of Type 1 Diabetic toddlers, are forever stuck in the front lines dilemma, we have the pressure and fear associated with a gun pressed to our temple, yet have to think calm and cool in order to fix the situation.

I don’t think enough emphasis is placed on the parent of a Type 1 child, especially one who isn’t yet fully speaking.  The meeting of needs is hard enough when it doesn’t include an algebraic equation, and most times, the variable found within the algebra equation handed to you in the middle of the night includes tears and maybe some cursing out of frustration.

All in all, the end result is always the same, we make it through, we continue to rise above and find the solutions, then when we lay back down in bed we don’t even want to close our eyes again, for we know right when we start to get into REM we will be called upon again.

We conquer this part of out day like exhausted and reluctant champions, and do it over and over again in an effort to give our kids a normal life.  Fluctuations or not, I am determined to make sure Carter’s days are filled with fun and excitement, not just blood checks and shots; and I work very hard not to show the fluctuations in my energy level.

 

3 thoughts on “Blood Sugar Rollercoaster”

  1. You are a champion and you are raising champions. The cost is high, but the reward is greater. I applaud your strength, diligence and honesty in this battle. May you continue to inspire others and find new and greater strength in each passing day.

    You are my hero.

  2. Hi Alyson! I just recently came across your blog, and I’ve been enjoying your posts. My son is 4 and in three days it will be three years since his diagnosis. I am still exhausted. He is still on a roller coaster. Like you, I have moved to a place where I do not take the fluctuations personally…usually…and where I can forgive myself…usually. 🙂 As difficult as it still is, I will say that it has gotten a bit easier as he has gotten older. Unfortunately, many times he is unaware of hypos, but when he can identify the symptoms (often just stating that he is hungry, but sometimes actually stating that he feels low) it is amazing. Also, my seven year old sometimes notices changes in his brother’s behavior and will let us know that he thinks Chase is low. It is hard. Don’t forget to be gentle with yourself for those fluctuations in energy just like you must forgive yourself for other things. We fill the days with fun and excitement, but we’re tired sometimes (most of the time), and that’s okay. 🙂

    1. Hi Jennifer, thanks so much for reaching out! It’s so true, we need to continually remember that we are human too. 🙂 I love hearing the stories of encouragement that let me know as Carter gets older it will get easier. It’s hard to see the forest through the trees sometimes, especially when there is a pattern of rough days to peer through. So glad your family is adjusting and that Chase is able to communicate and is realizing what being low feels like. SO encouraging! Thank you!!

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