A Slow Road to Acceptance

Carter 4.2014
Carter 4.2014

Just when I thought I couldn’t get more exhausted, exhaustion laughed in my face and kicked it up a notch.  I actually felt like I was sleep walking today, which was especially amazing as I was driving home.  We decided to take the kids on a walk after dinner today to get them out of the house.  It was such a nice night, we watched the kids running around and playing by the lake, and enjoying the breezy evening.  I have been hearing more and more of people getting diagnosed with Type 1, and it makes my heart-break for them.  It reminds me of our diagnosis, and the struggle that we have endured.  Yet when I look at us today I am so grateful for the strides we have made, though we are still learning, I feel I have a better handle on all things diabetes.  My heart aches for the families that are struggling to find their way, feeling lost in the dark tunnel that is a Type 1 Diagnosis.  I want to encourage any new family who is in the midst of the storm, things get easier.  I remember when people told me that right after Carter’s diagnosis and thinking there is no way!  But honestly, the fear subsides relatively quickly and the strength we have as parents pushes to the forefront.  The thoughts I always felt, that I would lay down my life for my children, become that much more true and a reality, when there is a Type 1 diagnosis to contend with.  It’s been a slow road to acceptance, and when I think I’ve mastered a scenario, it changes.  I will most likely never have a full nights sleep again, but for my sons survival I would sit awake every night, all night long to watch his chest raise and fall.  I admit there are many days still where accepting that this is now my life is a struggle, but remembering that with proper managing, my son will live and flourish in spite of.  I looked at my son tonight on our walk, he is so healthy and so strong, and knowing I helped him accomplish that gives me an indescribable feeling of fulfillment.  I remember the terror, and feeling as though I would never grasp a way to manage this successfully.  It only took 1 month for me to be fully confident, now I can go to a restaurant and figure out the proper insulin to carb ratio based on the menu.  Today with our extended hours of family time I felt overjoyed watching my son and daughter run and chase each other and remembering how far we have come.  So though this has been a slow road to acceptance, and it’s been riddled with uncertainty and feelings of continual failure, there are the days when I can sit joyfully in the midst of my accomplishments.  To hear my sons laughter, is more rewarding than a full nights sleep.  To watch my daughter protect him and keep him healthy is incredible, it’s true that a group under duress bonds together.  I am grateful for our new strength and our new love and our journey.  I encourage a family that is newly diagnosed to reach out, find support, vent, cry, scream, but at the end of all that pick yourself up and revel in your strength and perseverance.  Embrace your newfound courage, determination, and fearlessness, for you will dig deeper then you ever have, and astound yourself with your capacity to mend and push survival.  As the parent of a Type 1 Diabetic, you will discover the persistence that it takes to keep diabetes in check and at bay, in order for your child to live the life they were meant to live.

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