Today marked our second diabetes clinic appointment and it was harder than I expected. I found out that Carter has Thyroid Antibodies, indicative of a thyroid autoimmune disease. This in conjunction with the Type 1 he already manages felt like another blow. But that’s the thing with autoimmune diseases, they can be relentless. After arriving home I did some research on autoimmune diseases, and found that there are around 80 different autoimmune diseases. As I sit there listening to Carter’s endocrinologist telling me about the management of a thyroid condition, I slid into a feeling that has become all to familiar lately. All of a sudden I was again numb. It felt like Diagnosis – Part Two, and my heart sank for my son who is already battling so much. I have already been worried about Carter’s weight, he hasn’t seemed to bounce back from his diagnosis underweight, and today I learned that he has only put on about a pound and a half. I made mention of my concern to the doctor and we have made some changes to Carter’s insulin regime in an effort to see his weight come up. As we talked, the doctor reassured me more than once that I was doing everything right and I wondered why she thought my grief was about me. It doesn’t matter if I’m doing everything right, if it’s not working we need to find a new way. I just want Carter to feel better, I want for him to manage this but produce the right results. I want him to thrive and conquer not maintain. Worry has become my shadow, and though I know deep down everything will get better, today was a disappointment. I am doing my best to stay encouraged today, but I am desperate to find the pause button, even if just for 30 minutes. But diabetes doesn’t pause, it doesn’t let up, so the only thing left to do is dig deeper and muster up the strength and energy for the next phase. Tomorrow we go have his 3-month blood draw to check his A1C, I feel as though this is the most important annual review I will ever receive. Come tomorrow morning I will be the battle crier, the cheer leader, and the positive enforcer, but right now I am exhausted and my heart feels broken. I am going to take the rest of today to play with my kids and snuggle them as much as I can, I believe we are all in need for some extra love tonight.