Let it Go


Being incapacitated, I have realized how hard it is for me to let it go. By it, I mean control…..let me clarify, not just control, complete control. For the past 4 months I have been the one doing the care giving around the clock, my husband works a lot so I am the caregiver to our children. Now with this injury I am doing everything I can to stay off of my leg as I attempt to nurse myself back to health. This of course means I need someone here to help me throughout the day with the kids, especially Carter with his diabetic needs.  I am very routine driven, this I have known about myself my whole life.  I’ve written in past posts about how change is very hard for me.  I thought after standing in the room and hearing my son’s diagnosis nothing would scare me and fear would never grip me as it did that day, in that moment.  Well, I was wrong.  Today, having to sit and not move as much as possible and relinquish my daily responsibilities is very difficult and scary.  I think because I have a system down, and being with my children all day everyday, I can tell by the way my son walks, by his whine, and by the color and thickness of his blood when I check it, if he is too high or too low, knowing that my husband wasn’t privy to all of that made me apprehensive.  That all being said, being in a position where I didn’t have a choice and had to be reliant on his help, is something that will make us grow, not only as parents, but as diabetic caregivers to our son.  It’s amazing what we cling to in times of insecurity, convincing myself that my way is the only way, then 5 minutes into that thinking realizing that but for doing it himself, and being in the same trenches I was in a month ago, how would my husband and my son bond as me and my son have?  Maybe I held on so tight because I’m sick of changes running my life.  I’m angry that I am hurt right now, and I certainly don’t have time for it.  But that’s how life works, most times.  We get hit with one thing after the other, it’s how we grow in the face of adversity that sets us apart.  In an effort to grow, I have decided to let it go, back off, and watch my husband’s way of caring for our children.  After all, he may approach an issue in a way I never would have thought of, and ultimately I know his level of care comes from the depth of his love for our children.  Maybe this inconvenience is a blessing in disguise, though with it comes anguish, and pain, and frustration, but my injury also brings with it a time for growth and restoration, and perhaps, though through a forced hand, a way for me to find new ways to relax and mellow out.

2 thoughts on “Let it Go”

  1. I’m laughing. I know that’s probably mean. But I’m not being mean. I can walk today ( without a walker) for the first time in the last six weeks. I hurt my back weeks ago and just had cortisone injections that seem to be working. Thank God. So you see…. I’ve been quietly living this myself for a while. My house is a complete disaster area..I can’t find anything and I’m really sick of relying on help for almost everything. I had to sit back and watch my husband and my mother do everything differently. But actually it was worse when they weren’t here and I had to try to care for my child while in horrendous pain. But…. The pain is getting much better. My kids survived my Mom and husband learned a lot. And I survived too. Hang in there… And hope you get better in less then six weeks. 🙂

    1. HA HA! Just the thought of you laughing is making me laugh! 🙂 Yes, it’s so hard to watch other people care in their way, but it’s like you said, it’s harder to not have the help. My kids are confused, but they will grow through this too. So happy to hear that you are walking walker free!!! Congratulations! I am praying that I will be better sooner rather then later, and that I will be walking fine. Thank you for your kind wishes and for the laugh! 😉

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