The Triggers of Trauma

Diagnosis Socks - November 2013
Diagnosis Socks – November 2013

While doing laundry yesterday I came across these socks that were given to Carter when he was in the Intensive Care Unit, it’s amazing to me how the triggers of trauma have begun to engulf me. I also think about the process of grieving and acceptance, we are so complex as human beings, our emotional realizations are so deeply embedded and affect so much of our lives. I have decided to embrace all the feelings I have, as I want to be able to work through them and move past them instead of stuff them down and not deal with them.  I think about how I should just throw these away, yet something in me won’t allow it.  I believe being reminded of the bad allows you to see the good even more.  Remembering where we were last November, I ponder on it for a moment before I am interrupted by my running and laughing almost two-year-old little boy.  My son looks better than he ever has, he is happy, growing, and most importantly healthy.  These socks, though just socks, represent a turning point in our lives, a point where nothing would be as it had been. Little did I know when laying eyes on these socks for the first time while on my son’s feet, the immense changes we had in store.  So I’ve decided to keep this memory with these socks, and turn it into proof that hard work, prayers, and courage can turn any situation around.  Lately, my son will pick up the blood tester, and pretend to poke his finger, he will then pick up the blood glucose monitor and place his finger there to test his blood.  It’s in this gesture that I see my son’s complete acceptance of this life change.  Though there are days he is annoyed with it, and honestly, who wouldn’t be, he is now putting forth the effort at 21-months-old to take control of this and manage it himself.  Just when I didn’t think I could be more proud of, or amazed by my son he surprises me.  As I fold the socks together and place them in my drawer for safe keeping, I pick up my son to cuddle him.  He of course is too busy for the interruption of a hug, so as he wiggles away I quickly give him a kiss, and watch with pure joy as he runs outside to ride bikes with his sister.

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