My Insulin Pump Fears are Real

I know it’s inevitable, I know it’s coming but my insulin pump fears are real. The thought of putting Carter on an insulin pump terrifies me. I’ve heard nothing but positive things about it, the freedom, less hassle, better management for the child. I see pictures of kids with pumps on and they look normal and delighted, yet when it comes to Carter, I am content waiting…..and then maybe waiting some more. At the T1 gathering I was at last week, as I was surrounded by a group of Mom’s telling me their success stories, amidst my obvious apprehension, one of them said the words that made me feel so much better, she said “Make sure you are comfortable with the subcutaneous before even thinking about the pump.” That was so comforting to me, and makes so much sense. We have had our endocrinologist encouraging the pump and I have successfully so far held him off. (We are only 3.5 months in after all.) I agree, I need to be fully invested in the subcutaneous shots prior to any move to a pump, especially since technology has a way of failing. When that happens we are going to have to revert back to the subcutaneous shots, so hence where the comfort level is so important.  I, honestly, feel as though I am giving up so much control with the introduction of the pump, not to mention the fear of Carter ripping it out the minute it gets placed in.  I know these are all premature fears and I will grow to love it, heck I may even be that mom who eventually is convincing other apprehensive mothers about the wonders of the insulin pump, someday.  But for now, I am comfortable with the subcutaneous injections and I presume at this point, it’s easier to feel “normal” when I am able to discard of the diabetes intrusion the moment after I administer Carter’s shots.  So I guess this is all about me, it’s easier for me to forget he is diabetic when there isn’t a glaring pump attached to him.  Maybe it’s my way of protecting him, right now, by not advertising he is diabetic.  I can’t really pinpoint what the real issue or issues are, I just know that right now, things staying just as they are gives me comfort.  I may change my mind in the next couple of months, but today, waiting until Carter is three or four sounds like a good time to venture out and see what the pump really can do for us.  Plus, I know for sure, that I will have three to four extra opportunities for hugs and cuddles from Carter, since I have to administer his insulin.  Right now, this is still a win/win.

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