Fixing Carter’s Diabetes

Ashleigh CookingThis phrase came out of my daughters mouth with such conviction, “Mom, I’m going to fix Carter’s Diabetes.”  I think what got me more, was the fact that Ashleigh said it to me through her tears.  I feel I am in the battle all day long.  I’m either battling high blood sugars, low blood sugars, making sure Carter is getting activity, or I’m battling Ashleigh’s, and let’s be honest my fears.  I hate Diabetes, I work so hard daily not to allow it to rob my children of their carefree childhoods, but there are days when blow after blow wears on me.  It’s bad enough that Carter has to grow up so much faster, it pisses me off that now Ashleigh is feeling the burden too.  Yet, this isn’t called a family disease for nothing.  Even though the  initial ice breaker is hard, all in all I am happy that Ashleigh talks to me about her feelings.  We ended up having a wonderful, and lengthy conversation tonight about her feelings and Carter and his Diabetes.  I am fully aware that this phase won’t last long, soon we will all have matured in the face of Diabetes and will look back at this time.  I embrace it all as growth for all of us, however it doesn’t stop my heart from shattering when my children are inflicted with uncertainty or frustration and pain due to this diagnosis.  One of the hardest things, being the mom, is that I can’t peel all of the fear and stress off of them and put it all on me.  Then again, this is how we grow and learn in life so to shelter them from it all would be wrong.  I do my best to let her vent about it all and we talk through everything, this for now, seems to give her comfort and a release.  I don’t want either of my children to feel helpless or defeated by this.  Though stuck in the moments of these incidents I feel filled with sorrow, I know long-term, going through all of this now will solidify their bond with each other and their bond with me and essentially create a force to be reckoned with when they hit the real world.  I admire my daughters awareness, and hope that through our open discussions, soon she will understand that though she is involved with the day-to-day operations of this with her brother, this isn’t her burden to carry.  I hope that she will find peace and solace knowing  that with her love and care, she is giving her brother the biggest gift of all, understanding.  But most of all, I hope that as the days wear on, we all as a family gain better clarity and continue to bond together in order to find the positivity we all need to manage day-to-day.

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