Out of the mouth of babes

Mommy and Ashleigh - November 2013
Mommy and Ashleigh – November 2013

It started out as a “normal” day, breakfast, then his nap. Carter woke up to a Blood Sugar reading of 62. It’s been a few weeks since I had seen a number this low. I immediately gave him a granola bar to eat so he would come up to a safe level where I could then dose him for his 45 gram of carb lunch I had waiting for him. He looked at the granola bar and wanted nothing to do with it. I broke out a yogurt and handed it to him…..nothing. Finally I gave him 6 oz. of whole milk, one of his go to favorites. He tossed it aside; stressed I started to cry as I rummaged through the refrigerator to find something, anything that he would consume. Eventually I handed him his chicken nuggets and he started to eat them. Thankfully. I waited 20 minutes, checked his blood again and it was now 120 so I dosed him 1.5 units to cover his lunch and fed him. I pulled myself together while he was eating and noticed that as I was cleaning up Ashleigh had done everything she could to clean up anything around her, her effort to help me in the midst of my breakdown.  I walked over to her and kissed her head and thanked her for being so aware and doing what she could to lower my stress.  I explained that with Carter’s Diabetes, his blood sugar being too high or to low meant a great deal and added stress to my day.  She nodded and quickly asked if we could go to Disneyland today so she could ride Alice in Wonderland since we didn’t get around to it the other day when we were there.  I agreed and it was off to pack up the diaper bag so we could hit the road.  After Carter finished lunch, we headed down and had a wonderful day together, us three since Greg was at work all day today.  As we were headed to our final ride, while walking over the drawbridge to Sleeping Beauty’s Castle, Ashleigh said to me “Carter makes people sad, and I make them feel better.”  Confused I asked her what she meant, why would Carter make people sad?  Then she said to me, “with Carter’s sickness, his Diabetes, it makes everyone cry, then I do something silly and it makes everyone happy.”  I found her explanation particularly poignant, and I stood in awe of the maturity that was shoved into her little 42 inch four-year-old body.  I thought back to the past 2.5 months and though I thought I’d done a good job of explaining the tears I shed, apparently I hadn’t done as great of a job as I’d hoped.  I squeezed her hand and told her we are all just adjusting to the new routine with her brother, and that no matter what she always is a ray of sunshine to everyone.  We went on that last ride, and when we arrived home, after PJ’s were on and teeth were brushed, I climbed into bed with my beautiful tender-hearted little girl and we had a talk about how she was feeling.  I explained that though I cry, it is because of the sadness I feel right now and it was me grieving the changes we have all gone through these past 2.5 months.  I explained how emotions are real, and it’s OK to be sad, or angry, or feel as though things in life sometimes are unfair, these are all natural feelings and emotions that everyone feels from time to time.  I then took the time to point out to her that with those raw emotions, it’s how you worked through them that counted.  I asked her if she saw me sad most of the time or normal, (happy and playing with she and Carter), to which she replied normal.  I used that as the example to prove that though I am sad sometimes, I get over it and the day goes on, my life goes on.  I explained that in life there will be great disappointments, great sadness, and sometimes great loss, we need to allow ourselves to be sad and grieve the disappointment or loss but understand that tomorrow is a new day with new blessings in it, and through the sadness, allow release and move on.  I thanked her for being so self-aware, and told her how lucky I was to have her for a daughter.  She snuggled into me, gave me a kiss and we watched two episodes of Curious George together before she fell asleep.  Today, though I was stressed with Carter’s low reading, I sit here tonight seeing how blessed I am to have two children who love each other, and at their young ages, are two of the most self-aware individuals I’ve ever known.  I am pleased that my daughter has the security with me to be able to open up and let me know how this diagnosis has affected her, it helps me be the best mother that she needs, to meet her where she is, and be able to guide her, and Carter into the best adults they can be.  Today, ended up being a great day.

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