It was our first trip to Costco post diagnosis, we walked in and I immediately thought, Costco samples, with a diabetic…..I wonder what this will be like. Of course every sample that we passed Ashleigh and Carter wanted, I handed one to Ashleigh and then picked up the display box of what the sample was to look at the carb content, in order to calculate how much of it Carter could have. Though an extra 30 minutes was tacked on to our shopping trip due to the sample debacle, it was one of the biggest signs that life certainly has changed. Not like I didn’t know this before, it’s just amazing how with daily activities it’s almost like the light bulb continuously comes on, saying “Oh, right….Diabetes changes this too.” It’s an obvious statement that life changes with this diagnosis, and it’s easy to know that mentally…it’s different when you are “living” and are faced with the glaring changes you encounter. I didn’t even think about the sample issue until we were right there in it. I feel stuck, in these early months after diagnosis, monitoring Carter’s carb intake, but remembering that I have a 4-year-old who doesn’t have diabetes. I struggle lately with letting Ashleigh live her life of normalcy, and monitoring Carter so closely. I don’t want Ashleigh to get in the habit of sneaking snacks, yet I don’t want for her to feel as though she is being punished by Carter’s Diabetes. Honestly, it feels like I’m damned if I do, damned if I don’t. These days, it feels like no matter what I do, someone gets let down. Both of my kids are not old enough to fully understand my position, and I’m left picking between who gets disappointed. Don’t get me wrong, Costco samples aren’t the end of the world, it’s just yet another glaringly obvious sign that life has changed. As age comes, all of these early issues we are having will work themselves out, it’s all just such an adjustment. Diabetes, feels like my third newborn. I sit here, taking such great care when it comes to Diabetes, and through my exhaustion I wonder when it will all balance out. The good news is that with careful consideration both kids were able to have a few samples and enjoy their Costco visit. So I guess all in all today ended as a win, I just wish I weren’t so emotionally drained…….but tomorrow is a whole new day, and a whole new 24 hour period for me to find the silver linings. I’m glad I have a night of rest ahead of me to prepare for tomorrow.